Chapter 4 Part 4

A Nightmare Reborn







Chapter 4 Part 4


It has never been more clear. This long-forgotten mine is not truly a mine, but more a collection of memories that people would rather have casted aside. Everywhere I could sense its victims, screaming silently. How many had been lead to this wretched place? How many had Althia claimed? It’s maddening. Am I to believe that I too will die here? I'm forsaken, simply forsaken. Had Alice actually intended for me to die, her hatred hidden to my blind eyes? I'm drowning in the guilt of my soul. Every bad choice I've made in life will undoubtedly return here.  I'm in a nightmare, one of my own creation. Why has it came to this? What have I unknowingly gotten myself into? Has the god played me as a puppet? Has he always done such? Has my life came to a halt, my own ambitions bringing me to an end? Why, why, must all of my actions seem like they were done in vain? Henry, now is not the time for questions. Just go, now. Enter this chasm of despair, find what fruit it has ripe amongst its vines. Decode the messages from the past, eliminating the static in your head. Think, think, get passed all of these wretched spiderwebs. Your soul is not a bargaining chip to be squandered at a moment's whim. Go forth, now, and make things right.



As I explored the gigantic shaft that made up the inner region of the mine, I encountered not one beast. Perhaps the rumors of ghosts haunting here had merely been half-true. The beasts that had guarded this infernal place were only a distraction, as I think one would not brave the mountain range after spying even one of those monstrosities. One would merely die at the hands of those awful ghasts. As for me? I'm more led to believe that I am one of them, and they believed I would not strike them down because of that. These fiends that dwell on this dark earth are more than content to coexist with their own kind, seeking familarship over dominance. Why hath we gone away from natural order, where the most high beast enjoys the most succulent of all pleasures? No god, no beast is supreme, as all have abandoned dire principal. As I am alive here, I know that I was chosen to be a part of something truly unique.


As I made my way down further into the mine, I found a very peculiar beast. It was short, and it bore no expression. Its horns were curved and sharp, and its black eyes were a reminder of all that binds us to our mortality. I drew my gun, not wishing to alarm the beast, at least not without my Saturday Night Special. There's something different about this beast, something that made me feel sympathetic. It loosely resembled someone I once knew. Kylie, is that you? No, it can't be. You, too, have become one of them? She was a classmate of mine in college. She had shown interest in me when we attended class together. Despite her being reasonably attractive, I had turned her down when she made her advances on me, as I was not one to mix business with pleasure. That was the last time I saw her. This must be her, as her fur bore the same color of the dresses she favored. A dark red, one that complimented her hair, perfectly. As Kylie noticed me staring at her, she rose up on her short legs, and let out a truly monstrous scream. As she quickly moved towards me, arms outstretched to topple me, I stepped back, instinctively pulling the trigger. As she fell to the ground lifeless, bloodied face and all, I said, in a quiet admittance of disappointment,


“Damnit…”


This journey keeps becoming more sinister. I'm killing off all of my ties with humanity. Soon, I will be like them. Please, Althia, have mercy. I'm doomed, and I know it, bound to a lifeless fate. As I will finish my pilgrimage, I pray that I will be left with a single shred of humanity, as I hath none. My heart has sunken into darkness, and I have but one desire, and that is for sweet, unholy deliverance. Kylie means nothing to me, for Althia is my savior, not her. Kylie was but a mere memory that had to be put to rest, just like her decrepit form.

Chapter 4 Part 3

A Nightmare Reborn







Chapter 4 Part 3




My mind has never felt such a gentle pain.  As the entrance shaft seemed to demonstrate a normal appearance, my fear grew, and I thought the subtle atmosphere was nothing more than a clever deception. In an act of extreme desperation, I said, my voice cautious with uncertainty,


“Where are you?”


Of course Alice didn't answer me back. There shall be no mercy upon my mind, body, and soul. My heart became shallow, and I firmly believed the beasts will appear at any given moment in this forsaken mine. When I had finally made it to the inner bowels of the mine, I had no choice but to sit down on the harsh earthen floor, laughing to myself as I've gone far past disturbed. I said, this time completely in a delirium,


“Mother, mother, where art thou?”


I closed my eyes, and, to my astonishment, she was there. My mother, luminescent as a ghost might be, stood before me, her eyes sullen and dire. I asked her, carefully,


“Are we to die here?”


My mother smiled, even though her eyes had started to fill with tears. I fought back my instincts, them whispering loudly in my ear. I can't embrace her, no, not when I'm like this. I've became something she hates, a savage beast, one possessed by the esoteric notion of love. My mother, almost as if she had picked up on my thoughts, finally answered,


“You are stronger than that.”


Maybe death was my desire. I know that my sanity will only lessen as I continue forward into the depths of this horrendous nightmare. Now, nothing seems real, including this phantasm who barely mocks my actual mother. Even still, I couldn't but recall the peaceful memories that had accompanied me when I had lived with my blessed mother. She was the strong nurturer that I had always needed, and it is not all false that I had been the one who let her die. My sister's accusations were not in vain. I had chosen not to remain at her side when she was ill, meaning I had been the one who was inevitably to blame. Could she have survived? I do not know, but, right now, as I gazed upon my memories’ projection of her, I knew that I deeply regretted the ignorance that I had given my mother in her last days. As I raised up my hand, I said,


“Forgive me…”


She sobbed, covering her eyes as she seemed to bleed ghostly tears. What was concerning was the color of her tears, as they had more things in common with blood than anything else. It struck me as odd that this phantasm could act utterly so human. As I stepped forward, hypnotized by her sweet facade, I watched her outer appearance melt away, revealing her true essence. It was a beast, one with horns, hooves, and an elongated face. Its mouth hid long teeth that were as jagged as they were sinister. How could this beast have intruded upon my very own mind? It doesn't matter, for it will kill me if I allow it to stay here any longer. Nothing can make sense now, for I must strike the beast in my very own mind, yea, for this beast was never in my mind, it's nothing but a cheating counterfeit that wants to destroy my shallow heart. I rose my gun, holding it to my head, threatening to end the beast and thus me. My nervous sweat dripped from my brow, soaking my dirt coated collar. I had never been so certain about ending my life, and I laughed loudly, as only a madman would, shaking violently with insanity. It noticed my gesture, and, miraculously, it bestowed mercy upon me, and I came out of the trance.


The lantern I held revealed the size of this mysterious mine, it having several tracks, mine carts, and abandoned picks. I didn't know where to begin, and I asked, softly, thinking that my pleas would not fall upon deaf ears,


“Where are you, my beloved?”

Chapter 4 Part 2

A Nightmare Reborn






Chapter 4 Part 2



Curses, nothing but curses. That is what my past truly is. Something made to make me suffer. I can smell the mine, realizing in my soul that it was not far away. Yes, that's right. I sense that it is not within my sight, but rather my nostrils, yet the foul smell was easing me, luring me with its call. How can I hear with my nose, one could ask, yes, yes. My eyes have always lied to me, yet my nose has not, detecting the human filth that resides within each beast I stalked as an investigator. I am not a detective, but rather someone who seeks things on the behalf of others. I cannot see myself as moral anymore, so a detective I cannot be. Living life has harshened me, making me bleak and curved, breaking what ordinarily could not be broken.


Edging on, I had taken myself to what seemed like the outer rim of the entire Catskill autonomous region. As I nearly had given up, I saw it, right there, its dark entrance presenting a light to my grieving conscience. I had to jump from this ledge if I'm to make it inside. (Why would they make an entrance to the mine where there is no safe passage? Did they ever intend for any for the miners to escape this wretched place?) I will die if I do not make this jump. It's certain that I will need to outstretch my arms to bring myself all the way across. My legs still are sour, and it is more certain that I will fail. As I looked at the thin ledge before the entrance of the mine, I seized up my pack, fastening it on my belt, and inhaled sharply, letting it slowly out. Come on, Henry, don't let the old dovey down. You will live if you are truly the reborn one, just like what was inscribed on those strange artifacts you encountered at the start of this silent maze. Make your leap now, you old dog.



My leap resembled more of a fall. As I grasped the ledge carefully, I did not wish to think of the consequences for lacking strength. If I let go, I will fail. As I wrestled with gravity itself, I made it up, panting loudly as all of my reserves, both physically and mentally, have been officially exhausted. After sitting up, I laughed, maniacally, like any good madman would. Is this not the start of my fortune, my luck? Have the old gods rekindled their favor in me? Is this what it is to be the chosen one? Has this world pushed me to the highest of all highs, a conscious state of sublime ecstasy? Why do we bother with notions of reality and its moral endeavors? I'm not a man, but merely a cautious beast wandering eternally in the hidden depths of the meager mind. What I turn over is completely my grand boon, an offering for my insecure heart.


I'll have to enter soon. My lamp should do for a source of light. All I can do is hope not to die. Death may be the only thing certain in such a forsaken place. No matter. There truly is no turning back. All I can do is pray to Althia that she spares me. The wind between the hills howled, adding a sort of ominous effect. It whispered loudly, making my stiff body shudder. As I lit my lamp, I used the precious light to reload my pistol. There's no telling what exists in here. I fear that beast-faced cult may roam within this mine. Perhaps they are what people confused for ghosts. There is no doubt that the miners had started worshiping Althia, as she dwells within. They wanted coal and they received obsidian. Althia is their mistress, and Alice their queen. They will do everything in their power to keep me from them. The cult will only show more aggression as I proceed. As I put the chamber of my gun back in position, I drew forth a cigarette from a pack that I had saved should I make it so far. Even I expected to die. As I lit the smoke beneath my coat, shielding it from the wind, I let the match drop silently to the ground. The cigarette tasted marvelous, its deathly fumes intoxicating me with each drag. Okay, this is it, Henry. Time to face the rest of your horrific past. Whatever the cosmos bring you now will be based on your will to survive, or lack thereof.

Chapter 4 Part 1

A Nightmare Reborn






Chapter 4 Part 1



The past still echoed sharply in my ear. I didn't want to think about it but I found myself unable to. Resuming my journey seemed impossible, as my leg was a grim reminder of my mortality. Shattered remains of my hope were scattered about the ground and each piece ensured that I would have a complicated adventure to the bowels of what is to be madness. Curse you, world. How dare you bring me into this bitter nightmare.


Am I even here? Is this place nothing more than a graveyard in my mind? How am I to trust my own senses? I can feel here, see it, taste it, but I can't believe it. Even the smell of the burning beasts even seems artificial. I grabbed some dirt from the ground, and ate it. It tastes like the earth, yet I still am not convinced. The gritty taste that dried my mouth seemed a bit too sweet to be trusted. As I moved forward, my attitude deadened, wondering if this is really an illusory world. I resumed my search for the entrance to the tunnel, the one that should bring me into the haunted mine, sore and emotionally cold, my feelings playing a instrument of pain that time has forgotten.


I searched each hill with no success. I couldn't find what I was looking for. I knew I had grown impatient, but, alas, my futility was in full fruition. I knew not of my inequity, as all of this has ceased, dead and hollow in its tracks. My heart continued to beg for mercy, as I wished only to view the visage of my goddess Alice. She is the one who brought me here, she granted me my wisdom, and she dictates my life. Althia has brought her forth as a messenger, and I must find her, so that I may listen to her divine words rolling off of her succulent lips. None hath came here and lived, so I must imagine my own life, bringing it into full cognitive perception, cheating the reaper, the furious death god he is. I will scavenge my own fate, yea, and dust it off, embracing it once and for all.


The night chases me, making the noises of danger approach. There is nothing for me on this open and forbidden plane, as I knew that this place is one open to both luminous dreams and dark nightmares. As my nightmare opened up around me, I laid down on the ground, making myself become lifeless like a stick. They approached, holding torch and sword, their bipedal movement fooling me nigh. They snarled and spoke in a language that was uncommonly familiar, and their faces were like frothing dogs. They seemed to not notice me, although their torches caught hidden glimpses of my entire personage. I grabbed my .38, knowing that it was my only hope. They clearly are looking for me, wishing for capture or worse. Could I kill all of them, I wonder. One, two, three, four...yes. I cannot miss, as reloading would not be possible. I rose, and froze my pursuers. After a tense moment, they had began to charge at me, their yelps and snarls affirming their identity as creatures and not men. They thrusted their swords at me, and I made my move, finally having my one chance to defeat all of these foul mockeries of human beings. I fired my six shots, the sound of the bullets echoing as their blood spewed sharply over the ground and onto each other, I knew that I had seized my own life and kept it once more. None of the beasts had lived, although they had made it bloody close to ending my life. Several had succeeded in stabbing me as they laid dying on the ground, and I could not move my legs without causing the blood to pour out faster. I had to patch myself up, fast, before I do actually die.


My sack will serve as an ample rag, and I used alcohol to clean my wounds. The stinging sensation of the booze on my fresh gashes caused me to violently scream, and I pressed my now unfolded sack firm on my ankles and shins, causing it to become instantly dark red. The pain was secondary to my fear of failing my mission. Death is secondary to failure, as I see death as some grand reward. Failure in this life, however, would keep me away from my long lost joy. Live, Henry, live. Madness will come soon, making your healing impossible. Don't give in, at least not yet.

Chapter 3 Part 5

A Nightmare Reborn






Chapter 3 Part 5




Traversing the narrow passageway between the hills had became more of a calloused task than I had thought. My thoughts weren't trustworthy, as often they aren't, and I believed that there may be some invisible strings attempting to lead me away from my dream. My dreams, before, had never been quite as...ambitious. Life, as forementioned, up to this point has been unmentionable. What is there to this life? This question has plagued many scholars since time has began. We've all wanted a deeper meaning to our petty existence. Why do we bother with our inquiries that seem nothing more than wanderings in a fathomless space? We do not need meaning, as often actions need no further explanation. If we choose to act with little guidance, we'd be so much happier, filling ourselves with a less questionable existence. Existence itself is the curse that is the companion to awareness. Away, you awful devil. I do not know you, questioning nature. My soul belongs to a complying mood, one that will fulfill my master's wish.


I'm not sure why my thoughts have become so translucent. My mind has such a way of thinking now that it seems that my thoughts are not my own. I believe Alice is singing to me from afar. Her squalid song has tried to alleviate my madness, as if she is insuring that I complete my valuable mission. If I fail, she will fail, and her sweet lover will never see her again. I am sure that my goal is to find Althia, Alice's wretched, monstrous half, her forlorn mother. She mocks my diligence, as if it is a product that is a mere nuisance to her. What secrets she has shared with me may be nothing but pity offerings, baubles offered to those who are poor of heart. None seem truly worthy, as I hunger for more. What is nigh is nigh, and my pay has been one that resembles a poor man's. I do not wish to trifle or revolt, but I seek the fabled gift that all men seek from their god, that being happiness. Joy is what I have longed to touch, as my life is now trivial. The mosaic sky can no longer appease me, as its cover hides  the cosmos. The cosmos itself are what I want to recover, grasping their knowledge. When I learn what the cosmos have to offer I can find Althia, seizing the blessed location of Alice for myself. She hides Alice from me just so I can do the old god's bidding, as I fear now the chores and all of their inferior ways will never end.


Just as I had given up on my search, I found something most startling. On the ground held a clue to a deviant past. What appeared to be a memento of a more oblivious time laid before me, taunting my questioning eyes. It was my badge for the NYPD, it being the same shield I received for reaching the rank of sergeant shortly before my resignation. It had been a rocky voyage throughout my career as a policeman, especially near the end. After I had promised to protect our city, I found myself at wit's end, choosing to leave the force for what many called mutual reasons. The truth was that I grew tired of the life, as each day was a mere reminder of my singular tense. Each night I went home to no one, and it was not long before my current situation got the best of me, leading to bouts of depression, culminating in constant indulgences with the bottle. As my thoughts worsened, I found myself leaving the force, without anyone attempting to argue. None seemed to care when I left, and now I do not wonder why this badge that I previously possessed was here. It, like all lost tokens of a distant existence, are prone to be littered on this plane. As I grabbed up the badge and clutched it in serenity, I ventured to pitch it into the abyss below, glad to see it shine one last time in the sun as it twirled to its doom. Goodbye, fractured portion of the past. What weight you hold is no longer. Althia, continue to mock me. I will not question you as long as you make me ache mentally. If pleasure is ever found in pain I do not know it, realizing that the psyche's anguish is nothing but just that, unquestionable torment.

Chapter 3 Part 4

A Nightmare Reborn







Chapter 3 Part 4




What a blunder I had made. As I came back to the waking world, I realized that the pain in my lower had not died. It's a miracle that I am not paralyzed. As I discovered I could move, I attempted to sit up, failing at first, as the pain that remained was too great. With some effort, I was able to raise my upper half, urging me instinctively to my flask and as I let the stale alcohol intoxicate me quickly, I felt a little bit better, allowing me to force myself to my senses. What I saw before me was what I feared. It was night again. It's unsafe to proceed now. I have no choice but to sit here and take in what I perceive.


The hillside seemed to add a chilling effect that crushed my hope. As long as I can't move, I have to suffer. What was my true nemesis was my own rational mind. It was the last thing that I wanted to hear right now. It made a question as to why I was here. My heart sunk as my delusions died, making me doubt if my life had any real meaning. Some people live a life of what I call rational delusion, beliefs littering the human psyche that make one feel that they have purpose. What purpose belongs to those who do not know to those who do not know madness? They have told me of a strange secret, one that is hidden up here. Ah, yes, they've gifted me with madness once more. Alice was really the other half of the old god Althia, as I've stated, but one more thing is buried in my mind. As I dug it out of the barrows that dotted my oblivious tranquility, I found what I was looking for. Althia was really more the child of Alice's desire, proving she is not barren. If I were to mate with Alice, as Sam, we can bring a daughter that can usher in a new age upon this dark earth. We would name her Allie, and she will replace their demanding god. If I survive long enough to find Alice, we can change the world. The cosmos will bleed as we make life, and the world can end their lies. What my mind tells me is more than simple delusions, but more reverse truth. There's more to lies than you'd believe. Lies can lead you to a different kind of truth should your dreams be as blue and crimson, dripping with vibrant life-giving colors. As the insanity started to swell my head once more, I thanked the cosmos, swigging at my flask, still, laughing inside my head.


It wasn't until the sun started to rise that I could move my legs. They ache, but I can't worry about that now. I fed myself some morsels of bread and lifted each leg up, seeing if they were stable enough to stand. I strapped my bag to my back and slowly rose. My legs throbbed with pain, but I didn't care. I can't stay here. The vision of terror I had last night has left a foul taste in my mouth. To see my missing father…was that really him? I don't have the capacity to understand. He destroyed our happy family, leaving mother to die. Does he want to take my fair Alice from me? Why would he delight in her suffering? All she wanted was for me to be her Sam. Father, why would you forsake my only chance for love? Mother was a beautiful woman. You were a fool to leave us and I will not repeat your sins. Whatever may come of this excursion will be my legacy. Whether I live or die, my mission will be fulfilled. Choosing to chase my insanity is the best thing I've ever done.


The morning has always been cruel to me. As I gazed at the task in front of me, I was blinded to what I may see. The cursed sorrow that entered my soul left me hollow, broken. What is sin, what is sin. I've left my heart in pieces, too far spread to find. I know that this life will be my last of all time. I will suffer if I don't spread my wings. Should the sirens sing I will enter a greater meaning, moving peacefully towards the rocks. What hardship I take is what I sought. It belongs to me, whispering in the cold, dark night. My greatest fear isn't far from sight. Let bygones die, as my hearts leaves this life. Curse you, father. If I find you again, I'll kill both of us. You are the one who broke my trust. Rot, rot forever, let love burn to ember. What it is to die is but a dream, vast and empty.

Chapter 3 Part 3

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 3 Part 3



There can be no slumber for the awakened mind. I cannot continue to reside here, as my listless folly made  my body vague and mundane. As I looked at the unearthly sky above me, I believed that its dubious colors indicated my own future's fate. There is no certain degree that indicates I will complete my own pilgrimage. The one thing I know for sure is that I've accompanied my mortal life for the last time. I've already, to a hidden degree, reached immortality. What immortality really means is that you accept the fact, that, you are indeed mortal. Life's true release is in the fact that you will not exist in this paralytic existence forever. Death is only painful to those who are not willing to receive it. Immortality belongs to those who crave the end of their flesh. I, having realized my past ends, realize my true capability is to die, in both mind and spirit, for then only the flesh will leave me to my own intrepid crawling needs.


There was no certain place to explore in front of me, and I looked to that debauching sky above me, once more, noticing that it had taken on the qualities of the now forbidden cosmos. Was there a whisper? Was she calling me through the arrangement of the planets and stars? No, no, the cosmos must be lying to me. I cannot believe that there is any true belief that comes from silent forces. What the creator had in mind when he made me was not a path that led to the heavens. He said,


“To Hades with you.”


How cruel these former gods can be. They mock those who refuse to be their playthings. As I eased up my mustered strength, I let it propel me to the edge of the hill. Yes, that's it. If I drop down, then I can reach a place that is just big enough to leap onto the next hill which has a steep crossing that should lead me to what I believe to be the entrance of the mine. I strapped my sack to my back, and laid down, my feet wedged to the side of the hill. As I let myself slide down, I fell down sharply with a resounding thud that struck harshly throughout my weary body. I struggled against the rocky floor, not able to regain my feet as my legs had become numb with pain. The wind whistled and howled at my face and  chest, making me shiver, as comfort left me. My mind raced to conclusions, and I collapsed, letting consciousness leave me, in centrifugal tension. The nightmare abruptly started again, and I was teleported into my own wit, my rational mind opposing the dark fog that seemingly has caused amnesia to my senses. Curse this foul luck, as I am now helpless before my own reasoning.


Before me was a figure, a priestess relief that was held against a sacrificial altar. A man of short stature and a shadowed face directed his attention to me, his scowl appearing to be inviting to my usually dangerous unconscious mind. He asked, in a raspy, hushed voice,


“What do you see?”


Now I do see. The priestess was Alice, her robes freshly stained with her own blood. She was pinned to the altar by large claws that could only be the devil's, his face delighting in her seeming death. I turned my attention back to the man, disgusted. I answered him,


“My nightmare.”


Before he was fully satisfied, the shadowy man asked, in the most mocking of tones,


“Why?”


My response required no thought. I answered,


“Because it would make my life pointless, invalid. “


The shadowed man laughed in the most sinister of ways, and revealed who he was. He was indeed who I thought. My father, the same man who had disappeared when I was no more than twelve. Not even my own my mother had known where he had gone. She had worn her wedding ring to the day she died and after, in love with him just the same as when he had disappeared. I had not ever asked her about my father, believing that the weight of the question would break her weary back. This man in front of me must have died if he is in my mind. No one normal rests in the dark corners of my now forbidden mind. Everyone there is either a reaper or a demon. What resides within me is nothing more than lost souls. Either way, my knees became weak and I became crippled, now suffering the idea of physical and emotional incapacity. I gained the strength to speak, and asked,


“Father?”


The man I assumed to be the one who my mother loved so much started to fade away, and I was left chained to my feelings that had became lost for so many years. I didn't want to believe that I long to know my father, as it has been something I had oppressed for many years. Why would my own father take delight in the torture in my unholy lover? She has asked for nothing, only wishing to see the man she loves again. Has he wished to take the light away from not only my mother but me, as well? The irony disturbs me. Now, I'm begging for anyone, or anything to wake me from this nightmare. Wait...is this really reality? I suppose the cosmos has indeed shown me mercy. Why, I do not have time to ponder. As I reached out my hand, I wished for all of my questions to be answered, for her to take away all the death-giving knives that disguise themselves as thoughts.

Chapter 3 Part 2

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 3 Part 2



The air was not the only thing that possessed a certain thickness, as my own emotions had gained an unusual intensity of their own. Each moment up here has given growth to them, and now that my mentor laid here within bitter thorns beneath me, I felt that the sun had forsaken me. I did not want to accept reality, although I realize that even I am held captive to its lifeless chains. Reality is so oblivious, swallowing whole those who are equally oblivious. Its tender hands are but a mockery: they know only of the callous tips that mimic actual care. Our ideas are irrelevant to it, as reality slays any actual thought. As my past feelings fell through my own hands, I wondered if I'd ever become human again. Does humanity interest me anymore? I cannot say, as it seems that my mind and lips has been sealed on this matter. Life has became irony for me, as I shove away all of its rationality. There's only one question that stands out to me. Why would anyone lead themselves to the deserted shores of the usual? What is normal is just that, boring, bland, highly renditioned. We strive, as a human collective, for perfection, but are far from it. Few debate madness, and all shun insanity. Where is our perfection in our dense scope? Countless times since coming here I've debated this. Alas, countless times I've also came to no conclusion. I was trapped into listlessness as I had no other real choice, no whisperer as the old god Alice has became. Yes, for she is a god, one that tempts me so. Its my one desire to see her again, if Althia will grant me this.


It's laughable to think of their connection, one that imitates the trinity that the parishioners fashion so. Alice serves as mediator, the beasts as spirits, and Althia as a high god. To love one is to love all three, yes, this is how I have constructed it in my head. A puzzle interlocking, as a triangle or pyramid would. They are what the masses have been truly worshiping all along, yes, I know it. My mother had taken me to church when I was a mere lad, and from what I recall, this is indeed the case. Those sneaks, behind their pulpits, ridding me with their lies all so they could keep the knowledge of Althia and Alice all to themselves. If I am to be a beast, then let it be so. Let me become like them so that I may hear Althia's grand voice and feel Alice's supreme soothing touch! Let this nightmare become real! Shade the sky and let the cosmos appear, vibrantly, fluidly. Let them whisper the sacred tarnished truth to me. Make me realize all of Samuel's hidden adversity. Let him become my own self, possessing what is pleasing to Alice's jaded eyes. Yes, I can see it now. I come to her home, wearing Sam's skin, and she takes me in, unashamed, dying to touch me in my facade, for once, and for the first time. May her blessed naked skin collide against mine in a deception that will please me forever!


As I laid next to the bones that were formerly Benjamin's still-sturdy framework, I wished that I could only see the sky bleed with the colors that my inner thoughts had painted it, so long ago. What I have now is something, but I know that the ignorance I had before was the true secret to my obedient happiness. We cannot really take both from this life, as knowledge begets misery. When you know the truth, my mad self, you become aware of what may happen to you, breeding all possible scenarios in your mind. Each scenario making you quiver with the cold shudders that accompany each grim fate, as most ends lead to just that, ends. What can really be had in one lifetime? Nothing, utterly, nothing. We cannot become vessels of wisdom unless we can push away our one life existence. Becoming a beast of Althia requires no regret, but, trusts me, it comes back, the horned-devil that it is.


As I slipped into a mind-numbing stupor once more, I laughed, nervously, knowing I must take in substance. As I ate some of the tough dried meat I had brought, I imagined it to be Samuel's tasty flesh. I thought of its creamy complexion and its soft skin. I imagined ripping off the skin with my teeth, swallowing it bit by bit, enjoying every morsel. His exposed muscle was by far the best part of my illusory treat, as it had a flavor to it that may resemble a freshly slaughtered lamb. I reveled in it, washing it down with his blood, which, yes, had became a thirsty swallow from my flask. Begone, Sam. No one wants you to play it again. Dissolve in the hungry bile of my stomach, become nothing to me, once more.

Chapter 3 Part 1

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 3 Part 1

In the end, the grisly reality was that none of this was to truly happen. Alice’s intentions were gray and scarlet in color, her motives running in blissful chaos. Was she to replace what was missing in her, running to my dwelling place only to find a hapless lovestruck assistant fit to do her bidding? I am not that favored, as she was merely selecting me as a loyal servant who could handle her inseverities with the common approach. I, am hers, and, she, is what has fed my insanity all along. The possession that runs through me is orchestrated now by her, which means Althia, the old God, is now at my control. Whether its true form is of a man or a woman, I do not care. If she is one then she must be the other. I cannot bother myself with trivial notions. Nothing until now has mattered, intentional or not. My life seeks to seize the folds of time that has swallowed my dignity. Conscience must surrender now. Let bygones be rid, as my enemies that manifest as the past beasts are nothing as they seemed before. Spiders, wolves, goats, cur, be rid. Be rid, my foul profaners of the mind’s nether regions. You've done nothing but curse my admonishments, the ones that cover me and veil the stinging light from my eyes. Be rid, be rid!

My progressive trek had led me to another abandoned campsite. This one had bodies of beasts impaled upon wooden pikes. From them hung flesh that had not attracted flies, much to my curious mind. The amazement that can beheld by the inquisitive mind is a patient thrall’s delight. There is something that jests me, however. The beasts here are dead. Who may have slew them, if only beasts dare tread here? Suddenly, I became hyper-vigililant. My attunement increased with the perceived threat that lurks around me. I heard the whispers that hissed in my mind, ones telling me to reach for my gun. As I gripped my black Saturday Night Special, my clammy hand glued its trigger to my finger, and I pointed instinctively at the impaled beast. Much to my expectations, one twitched, and then fell to the ground. It gained its feet, and moved slowly towards me, still impaled. Its gait was absolutely inhuman, it moving cautiously towards me. It's face and fur hid any distinct features, and its horns curved sharply behind its head. It resembled an upright sheep or ram, which one, I could not tell. It enchanted me with each inhuman movement towards me, its abnormality passing barely for even a deranged beast. Its eyes finally became visible when it was a few mere yards away, their color being lavender. What sort of beast sports such a strange color for irises? Surrounding those large eyes was a patch of flesh that hung from its face, it more than likely being injured in the fight with whatever or whoever was its hunter. As I squeezed the trigger twice, finally, the shots screaming on the silent plane, each bullet piercing its bizarre right eye, blood flying from its rotting face. As it let out a blood curdling roar that could only indicate its agony, I watched as it died and reverted to its normal form.

Crouching at the former beasts body, I realized that it had turned into a nearly naked human, its gender only a bit distinguishable. It appeared to be my instructor from the college I had attended for a brief while before entering the police force. His muscles had turned into starved tendons, and his expression was one of mourning. We had gotten along well at the university, and I questioned why he was here. Did someone bring him here only to be slaughtered? Is that why he did not attack in his beastial form? Did he somehow recall my appearance, even after all these years, as I had identified him? His now blue flesh was a grim reminder of even his mortality, for I had idolized this man, at least in the past. Now he is hardly worth envying. His blood-stained graying hair hid what former crown of glory he may have possessed. Now, I am his final murderer, my pride evaporated from every bit of my fiber. This is something I did not want to do, yea, my intentions wavering back to the side that constructed my own life. He was someone who did not taunt me, someone who tried to support me. His weathered coat lay in shreds on top of him, his pants in tatters. What was most disturbing about Benjamin’s dead body was that he bore a smile. His right eye was no more, yet his left one had that accusing glare to it, one that said,

“You! You!”

I can't believe the pain that I'm now feeling. I shouldn't, but I care that he is dead. Should I have let him take my own life instead? The thoughts shot through my mind, each one telling of a past that had haunted me, ever so slightly, for years. Only now may I face it, a gift given to me, the hapless receiver, by my dark mistress. She has brought me to my mind’s edge, pushing me over, so gently, so casually. My conscience was on overload. It led me to do only one thing. Burn his body, with a match, with a spark, with a flame, with a fire. Goodbye, Ben, may your sorrow haunt me ever so pleasantly. Your death will not be in vain. You have taught me that that my past life was not devoid of good. You were a harbor in a storm that was my torturous past. As the smell of your burning flesh invaded my nostrils, I welcomed it.

As the fire crackled, Benjamin still bore his smile, this being represented in only his grinning jaw. I sat down, drawing warmth from the dying fire. I had lost my incentive to go on further. I will sit here and do what has been commanded of me, to feel grief. How blind I was. My life was the same as the others, good, bad. No one leads a truly perfect life, not even close. The more I delve into the madness, the more I realize that wisdom has a cost. Repentance is not a choice now. It's a necessity that has been calling me for years. What a horrible harness that has secured me to my pillaged hope. As I laid down, I closed my eyes, a grin forming on my face. We share this emotion now, Ben. We share a bond. You are the one who taught me how to fire that gun, my bullet taking your life, once and for all. Oh, the irony, my fallen friend. We are two feathered wings to this bird that is called life. You were my opposite, keeping me in the sky. What a curse. Now I must join the other beast.

Chapter 2 Part 5

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 2 Part 5

This sickening madness has became as laughable as it is enjoyable. I brought forth an apple that I had retrieved from Alice's gift bag from earlier in the tunnel, and bit into it, remarking over its memorable flavor. She must have been the one to leave them there. After all, no beast would ever need such a thing as apples. This one still tastes crisp as if freshly picked. Alice must have came here from the very same train that I had boarded. She must have intended for me to be her lover from the start. Why was I so foolish into believing that Sam was nothing more than her? She provided no picture or sketch of him, after all. Her stray gray hairs and aged complexion did not distract from her apparent beauty, at all. She is worth having, even if I must endure the temper of Hades himself. She will finally emerge from  hiding when I enter the fabled old god Althia's lair, the place where I will find her atop the succulent beast that is also herself. I will make my dead mother sing with joy once more. My empty bachelor years are all but over. When I secure her for myself, I will dwell atop this mountain with her, where we will subject both man and beast to our own vigorous trials. Nothing before now matters. We will live together in harmony, in lust, angels ripping off their own wings. What love enters my soul will be the cost of my foul demented mind. Let irony beseech me. The death of my innocence did not denoate the death of my ignorance. Being blind suits only those who are blind. Being awake is the penalty for those who do not dream. Don't wake me from here, please don't let me escape from my own personal nightmare. Rebirth is what I want, a black buttefly that emerges in the haunts of the night. As I am reborn, she also will be reborn. She lives within the area of my mind where I believe I will find the flavor of my punishment. Anyone who gains a liberation in life must be punished. Alice will be my punisher, my dark mandoline of kerosene and pain. Whether she's leathered or bare, I invite the interaction.

Enough, enough. As I ate of the final bits leading to the core of the apple, I casted it aside, deciding my next course of action. The hill spreads to further up, it spiraling and hiding its true face. It seems to rear its head to all, as each hill has its own distinct personality in this nightmarish realm. This hill, yes, this hill. It mimics me, dancing away with my shrouded thoughts and feelings. I don't know, for once, how to react. In the past I always knew what to do. Now, the spirit of inebriation has met me and she's pulled me under. The light has been my guilty pleasure for too long. The only sanctuary I have found now is wallowing in darkness, becoming one with it. I must be wary, however, as that spider beast had nearly ended my pilgrimage. It was a rather hurtful endeavor when I had seen myself before as inevitable. I can't believe that life is just life and that's it. The penalty incurred is only for the sane. Death will not take me if I stay alive, yes, yes. We aren't useful to our mistress if we choose to die. Only the naive truly die. We aren't the ambassadors who need to think or decide for ourselves should we heed the old god, Althia. She mediates the true consciousness that is pain. Let her know your toils. Let her know your thoughts. Let her know your love. Let her hate what you hate, and leave behind what you hath shed. We mustn't believe what the liar has told to us in the past, be him the negligent master or the prude skeptic. I am not an engine of self-destruction any more, now, are we, my patient goddess. You will alieviate my torment Alice, you'll see.

As I moved further into the gorged landside, I had my eyes speckled with the dirt that comes from inertia. As I struggled to keep my gravitatious feeble weight to the unsteady ground, I cursed my inferior design. Why must the bounds of a mortal coil and its bloodied parceled deliverance keep me away from my true realized greatness? Why, oh why? I hate me and my bodied flaws! How can anyone implore this devil-prone vehicular existence that we have for way too long accepted? If you wish me to die, Alice, doeth me in so! I will be yours in life or death, but not both! Curse you, maker! You've made me feel pain, torment, agony! You have always hated your disobedient children who you claim do your own will! I am not doing your will, but instead that of beasts! Leave me be, leave me now! I hate you for making me! Why could not the perfect Alice have made me? Surly her hands could have molded me in a more complete fashion!

Chapter 2 Part 4

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 2 Part 4

The light, the glorious light! I've made it through the tunnel, and now I am greeted with the sun, hanging low in the sky! As I mounted what seemed a very suspicious bridge, I lost sight of what was in front of me, and had my mind enter the realm of what is to come. None of the bridge's wobbling and swaying bothered me, as I sought to collapse at the other side. As I walked away from the edge of the next hill, I scampered up to the ridge, and hoisted myself to its rounded peak. I have to slumber, yes. My dreams were wishes, and I could only pray to my lovely maker that I may behold one, just one. Just one dream, just one wish, just one tryst. A rendezvous with the twilight, a lullaby full of believable lies, each lie befitting the perceiver who is mad enough to wrap their heart around them. The heart is truly a serpent indeed, clutching each deception we choose to embrace. One who embraces a dream takes each impossible wish that exists within it. One who takes a nightmare as reality may live through it. Living through a nightmare is what every hard-boiled aspect of the psyche wishes to complete. The nightmare is the waking world, my dusty acquaintance, as you and I are strangers in this dream. Whatever you may be, a hostile beast or a crestfallen soul, I am there with you, wishing to see the end that begins with an ocean. An ocean invites the weary ones to wallow on its shore, or perhaps even in its depths. The deeper you delve into that ocean, oh my. The things we find beneath the ocean's surface are absolutely frightening, abominable, striking, life defying. Where do Althia's true intentions lie? Is she the one who knows my inner delights, my mind's sanctuary? Is her insanity what make me feel whole? Is she the one who will replace my deceased mother, giving me glimpses of sovereignty and pleasantry? You've fooled me for too long, world. I won't give into your machinations any longer! Death to the unholy, every sinner who has kept me from my sanctity, the region where the sun sets is where it also rises! Let nature debacle the ones who seek to predict its unspeakable ways!

To rest is to die to this same world. Fairies danced in my head as the day and the night dashed on by. This is not what I'd imagine. The fairies were blackened, tarnished, and foul. They taunted me, grabbing at my hands and now bare feet. They yanked at my digits and jumped on my stomach. They resembled tiny woman of aged beauty, their gleam faded. Their filthy hair dangled from their heads, trapping any ideas of admonishment. Their eyes reflected the dark image that was of my own twisted countenance, which I despised even the mere thought of. They all told of mortality, reminding men that their power is restricted by the very same force that gave them their vibrance. We can't live, no, not at all, as long as we have the weight that is casted down upon us keeping us pinned to the earth. We can't fly, we can only move along on twos or fours that glide us from nourishment to defilement. We cannot fight these urges, as the fairies remind me as I enter deeper into the nightmare.

I was loose, standing above my still body. It was still occupied by the tarnished fairies, and I walked towards the next plane that reached out before me. The moon seemed to be watching me, it covered by the world's eyes. As I reached the edge of the chilled plane, I looked over the edge, and saw an eight-legged man scaling the hill's wall, rushing to perhaps end my life. As it climbed up and onto the ground in front of me, it hissed, its compound eyes reflecting my fear. I stepped backwards, distancing myself from the odd entity. As I fell down next to my physical body, the spider beast leapt on top of me, and its mandibles traced each edge of my face. Its ugly face was demonstrated by its subhuman nature, it having no hair on its head and a mouth that dripped with its noxious black venom. As the spider beast began to lower its jaws to taste of me, the tarnished fairies noticed my peril, and they knocked me back into my coil. I rose up at my waist, and the spider beast was gone, nowhere to be seen. Whether it was a part of my own mind or not, I do not care. Death was not my ideal end. I'm not ready to die yet, not until I am wrapped in Althia's barbed tentacles. Her halves are both acceptable to me. Neither male or female alone is enough for me. My forlorn whispers of pleasing relations with my dark mistress cannot be denied. I cannot sever the string of my life until she has me. This eye-opening journey will not end prematurely. Surely Alice sent those dark fairies to save me. Sam and I will return to you one day, my forbidden lover. Althia or not, I will please all three of you. I will bring one of you home to talk to my mother at her graveside. We'll rest beside you one day, precious mother, mates through the stricken fate that has brought us all to the dark blood moon and its presence. Do not gaze at me, sinister dark one. I'll find you in the end.

Light, giving light. You knew of my reprise, giving, as you rise. Within your embrace I cheat my own fate. You rid me of my darkness, cradling me in your fair arms. Sun, precious sun. Don't leave me, let me see, that you are what I want to be. Find me my mistress, let her know my distress. Without her, I am lost, a penny casted for the cost. Bring me home, bring me home.

Chapter 2 Part 3

A Nightmare Reborn






Chapter 2 Part 3

This is truly astonishing. The tunnel throughout the bowels of this hill was, at first, what I thought to be a terrestrial-induced innovation, but I knew that this was only a partial truth. Nature had dugage, perhaps what would bring me closer to Althia's stronghold. The entire hollow of the hill was pitch-black, indicating my definite need for my lantern. The ground, however, was highly disturbed. Both footprint and hoofprint beat a very deep path into the tunnel. Caution was of dire need, as there may be many perils that could lurk in what would be normally a quiet resting place.

I believed, originally, I was without incident. How wrong I was, as I fell to one knee, a disgusting siren singing sharply into my ear. The memories poured into me, recalling the not so-distant past, before Alice came into my office. Why this, oh, why this?

I slept each night in my office, rarily ever feeling the need to return to my flat. What nourishment I did not receive, I gained through the artificial carrier that is cigarettes and booze. Sometimes I'd have a bagel and coffee in the morning, and, that Friday, it was no different. As I returned to my desk, I sat down, and remembered my schooling at the university. There, I was not popular, and other students shunned me, be them man or woman. The hazings were both deliberate and without reward. As I sat there at my desk, I realized that these memories served me no good. How foolish this lime vision is, a flashback of a flashback. As I ate in my epitome, I swore that this is the bottom. What I never had in sociality was my crutch. Sobriety mattered not in the wake of the death of my mother. My mother is the only one who could stop me in my fall. Alas, she is gone, forbidden to give me her soft hugs and wooing words. As I thought thoroughly, returning to my pleating world, I realized that my tears that Friday morning were a prelude to a comforting embrace of possibilities, impossible or not. What mocking I've received will become banished as I find Althia's strangling-yet-fitting embrace. Her desires are what's best for me. She has seen what I can be, where others saw only what I cannot be. The waking world is a destructive paradise, where deaths of the common fit only into an oppressing chain that begins at birth for mostly all. I'd imagine only Althia, the fair matron, can save us from our God-given inequity. It makes you wonder, really. From what I have gathered, this female ancient creature that is Althia is what one that I would consider a deity. Her appearance may not befit her inner delicacy, but her loud beating heart and her silent mind are what we call her defining features. She breathes emotion, wisdom, enlightenment, and physical fortification. Her eyes alone and can bend and ply a man's will. What gives into her eyes will undoubtedly give into her mind, and thus her heart. Once you are in the old god's heart, you will perish to this world. One should not wish to remain in this life, for it offers nihl for the unselected. For those who are selected, this life will yield thorned fruit that is as nasty in its taste as in its benefits. You'll be motioned to believe that money and lovers are an avenue of joy, but the reality is the jaded opposite. What kills doeth kills. Those who enter madness of my wide scale will see things for what they really are worth. Nothing is without a subliminal side.

This tunnel had one more offering for me, a dropped sack by what may be a still moving beast. Inside was some ripe fruit. This is not some rash mistake. Althia has given me pardon. She wants me to find her, yes. The beast was told to leave this bag on the ground, knowing of my limited stock. As I bit into one of the green apples inside, it glistening in the light, I thought it was the best thing I've ever tasted, not because of its crisp and tart manner, but because Althia, my future bride, has gifted it to me. She wants me to live, which is more than what any woman has ever cared for me to do. Althia must really indeed be Alice, yes. Alice is hiding somewhere up here in the Catskill range, wishing for me to murder the dog that is Sam. How genius is Alice, fooling me with her soft, human guise. No matter. I will love her green tentacled large spongy body as much as I would any other woman. She is a goddess, and I cannot question her ways. She demands my mind's utter obedience, and that I will give her, gladly, faithfully.

Chapter 2 Part 2

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 2 Part 2


What is this loss of my mind? Is this really my sister? What is she doing in such a desperate state? Had she traveled here to deter me away from my fair mistress? Althia is mine! Away, away! You tried to have her all to your all-encompassing filthy hands! Candace, you tried to kill me, but I was the one to kill you!

The fire came to an end with a loud, sparkling crackle, and I sat next to her body. It appears as nothing more than an innate skeletal wisp now. As my eyes returned to this world, I noticed her diminished corporal countenance had two long horns protruding from her split skull. Is that what she really was? No, her beastly soul attempts to charm me from the netherworld. She wants my distrust in my goddess, so she that may attempt to make me unhappy once again. Her curses have crippled me for way too long, I will not let her take me further. One life of venom and spite has bit my back for far too long. She will be denied by me, for I will not yield my loathing any more.

There's nothing that could be seen from here, as the environment around me ceased and disappeared. My pack was ready, rid this place to be. There's a small chasm ahead, perhaps hiding what unseen objective that drives me further. As I crept forward, my footsteps echoed at an agonizing pitch that shredded my inner ear. Each pace I traversed brought an anvil of weight upon my bleeding soul, it seeping out a dark green ooze that permeated in my frozen chest. Yes, the air was stinging my exposed flesh to a cold blue hue that throbbed with short but terrible lashes that kept me moving, finding that the place that I so sought was there. If my delusions are not lying to me, this opening in the side of this lower hill will wind through this region and out to an otherwise unaccessible zone amongst these massively complex hills. We call Catskill a mountain but its surrounding supporting hills makes this a semi-large and autonomous region. If Sam did truly come here, it may take all of the month or longer to find him or what may remain of this faceless soul that Alice urged me to track down. Track down, I say, at least in passing, as it may be a tumultuous task to even believe that I may accomplish this search. Who knows? This place is rather inviting, as I now have a lover in Althia. She adores me, too, as she lets me slay beasts to my shallow heart's content. What could be better, or more gratifying? We do not shape our lives out of periods of inertia, but more times we decide to be isolated amidst indecisiveness. If we don't move out of the fathomless abyss that pulls us under we are required by usual doctrine to live out our lives in a suspenseful state of passivity. Cursed we are, denying what our primitive conscious can do. Without insanity we are chained to a cycling world of monotony that destroys our body’s connection to the sleeping mind. The sleeping mind is what conceives elaborate, meticulated processes that can leap hurdles that our illegitimate society stumbles nearly every hapless wayward mind with. They have their way, and my mistress has hers. My mistress gives lucidity through what bleak visions are provided. Her gifts, no matter how burdening or lessening, is brilliant, breathtaking. She spoke of Candace's treachery, and I exacted my revenge. That snake, how dare that female viper follow me here to try to kill me when I was weak, sleeping like a mere babe. I always knew you wanted me to die, for you blamed me always for our mother's death. How naive you were, as I also blamed myself for mother's death. Didn't you know I would rather have died than mother? Dang you, Candace, you were always so cruel to me, stealing what milk was provisioned to me by my ailing mother. No matter. Althia's power will make the dead walk. Mother will live and you won't, as Althia pleases only her chosen. Revel, sister! I am enlightened as you are condemned!

Chapter 2 Part 1

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 2 Part 1

The sun passed overhead, as minutes became hours. The mine is still out of reach, and my weary mind drug me to the ground. As I struggled to retrieve my blanket, I stretched out my arm and pulled out my flask. It was my gift, a silver goblet full of the sweetest nectar, it relieving both my body's and mind's aches. As I refilled my shiny friend, I imagined drinking myself into a stupor, letting no light invade my eyes. All I could see was darkness, its deafening silence being a welcome aspect to my psyche. It wasn't as if I required the hymn that comes from a resting lullaby, but more that I did not want to see anything further from this world. The nightmares that I have became accustomed to have infested both the waking and the still world. There must be an end to this, one where I can clearly see this world for its own. Truth does not exist here, nor has it ever. What I see with my own eyes, in my own mind or elsewise, can't be trusted.

There was no other choice. I dropped to the ground, stiff as I clutched my blanket, wrapping it around me. Clinging to my bitter memories, my sister came to life once more. My weary conscious and trembling heart had conjured a most tasteless treat, recalling what happened when I last saw her. We were at the diner, one not far from the central NYPD hub. She asked, impatiently,

"When will you get your life together?"

Her eyes pierced through me as we sat in her place of work. She had been a waitress as long as I've known her, supporting her own facetious husband. He was as worthless as they came, a chain smoker and a gutter-lying drunk. My sister had never known a life as a patient homemaker, but instead, a thorned flower, one that had stopped blooming for good. Her hair rested back in her white hat, and she expected an answer. What answer does she crave? Why am I reliving this painful moment again? I inhaled my cigarette in the dusty diner, and answered, not able to control my own self,

"Work is slow. There's nothing for me."

That is all I could provide? No apologies, no salutations, no remedies? Me, sitting there, killing my lungs, hanging my pride at the door? My sister, Candace, shook her head, and expressed her disgust with a rather violent face. She got up from the table, and said, hissing,

"Why does our mother favor you?"

This recollection reminded me of the bad blood between me and my sister. She had not wanted what was miserable for me, but more a better life. What she didn't know was that I felt my life was indeed already in shambles ever since I could remember. This memory had burned a mark into my charred mind, one twisted and contorted from the past that I had to face up here on these tapered plains. As I finally maintained leverage between me and the waking world, I looked around, not wishing to steady myself. I didn't want to get up from the inviting rocks beneath me. I wanted to lay here in my infamy. I couldn't, not now.

The creature nearby was one of hideous and ghastly proportions, with a head covered in black mud, barely attached to his long thin body. The body was one that was built to move quickly, it being fully utilized to close the gap between me and it. As my hand finally found my gun, I tensed on the trigger, but it was too late. It was already upon me. It stood there, as I pointed my gun at its protrusive head. Ah, I see. It was a female beast, one that had the same scent as my fallen sister. As my mind slipped, the beast became Candace, this time offering me a smile. As she reached down to grab my arm, I had no option but to fire upon her, splattering the remains of her once presentable face behind her. She fell, me taking the chance to gain my feet, lighting the body instantly with a match, fur and fabric easily giving feed to the flame. Burn, burn! Oh, gratifying fire! May you consume the corpse of my gravespun sister! To hades with you! Burn, burn! My mother was right about you! You truly are the family's fool! May the pits swallow you, for you could not kill me! Althia and the cosmos chose me, not you! Burn, burn! Fire, consuming flame, crackle as you eat the profane!

What a thrill! Now my sister is truly dead! Never will she hurt my swollen head again! I'm alive and she is dead! Look, she's been eaten down to the bone by this indiscriminate flame! Worry not, Candace! No maggot or graveworm will harm you! Althia will be mine! You will not steal her from me! The smell of your burning flesh is proof that I am alive!

Chapter 1 Part 5

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 1 Part 5

This expedition into the bowels of the hideous human mind has taken all of me. It's as if the only thing keeping me standing is the alluring echoes of the lustrous matron that is Althia herself. Will I find Sam? Will I find him at the end of my own journey? Did he experience the same ordeal that I am experiencing now? My urge to make haste has churned into a grinding halt that screeches in my already loud mind. It's not to say that I have given up hope, but more that I have given up my initial mission. I may find many, all that came here for what seems the queen of all sirens. These beasts may belong to her, but there is a further belief inside of me that may state they are her enemies. Ah, yes, Althia implores that they must die. Only one can awaken in passing, and only one can awaken if they are alive. These beasts are nothing to me, more impediments on a winding, ungraveled road. What rests now for me ahead is a mere battle with my mind, as it has been since entering this forbidden paradise.

Listening to the ground, the sky, and the distant reality, I gathered my nerve and weary mind to seek what I saw ahead. A way was beaten though several hills, and it would take me to the highest point I've been yet. The sun may be fading, but I know nothing will disturb me. Althia has made that clear, that fear is the only thing that can wound me here. Why must man believe in their ever oppressing idea of control? What can come from their fear, their being that traps them away from self-discovery, the awakening that comes from fits of madness? The only thing that can make the mind resemble brilliance is utter calamity, the fabled gift of controlled insanity? My gun does not grant me life, my hat and jacket does not, but more my inquiries into my own ill-born repugancy. Life is not the way it seems, yea, yea, it never has nor ever will be. We are constructed to be mad. One who claims to not know a numbing effect that comes from cold, desolate winter has not lived harshly. One who has not lived harshly dabbles in chosen inferiority. Sam's fate, undoubtedly, will forever be mine. I'll live here before I die, just as one flounders before they try.

My sister never saw me truly succeed. After my mother died, she left, never to return. I did not question her when she left. What tragedy was my mother's death was also my sister's own spiritual death. My sister did not want to continue with her home life, leaving to an unknown territory. Did she truly die, with no one the wiser to tell me? Must I mourn her, too? Is not one agony enough for my mortal body? I hope to see her again, may splendid Althia grant yet another of my hidden desires. Who do I have? I have her and what could be the fleeting life of Sam. In my fascination, I fixated on Alice, believing that I'll escape here with the proof that Sam had died. Alice...Althia...what be their coincidence? Was Alice even real? Was she nothing but a reference to a scattered story, a world hidden down a hole, reaching from one coast to the other, from one hole to a tree, a playground filled with pins and daggers spelling misery? Nay, the clock does not tick for the meanderer.

My slowly paced walk turned into a gait when I reached what seemed a pile of a lost following's rubbish. As I leaned over to search for my imagined prize, my hand stung, not because of a sharp instrument or a protruding needle, but because of the reverberating feeling that went first through my hand, then my spine, and, finally, it burrowed into my brain. The visions I saw were ones of grandeur and enlightenment! Never before had these images been so intense! I saw Althia, Sam, Alice, even my mother and sister! All were lined up in front of me, with Althia grasping them in her firm grip! My mother and sister were praying, asking Althia to grant me my awakening! Alice and Sam were together, holding hands, blood dripping from their faces, the source being hidden by their favored cloaks. Alice looked at me, and asked,

"Will you ever return?"

My mother then, after so many years, spoke again! Her voice soothed me, despite its demeanor. She asked,

"Won't you forget your quest?"

Althia seemed to be amused, and in a distinguished yet gentle tone, offered her condolence. She said,

"Your mother holds restitute, but Alice...could she..."

The vision left me, and my own thoughts jumped to the same amounts of grandeur. I believed myself to be Sam, and that Sam is nothing more than her affections for me. Alice appears the same as my sister, yet of a different set of parents. She would be one most pleasing to my own mother. Was that what she is trying to say in the delving, the dabbling that was more than just a concoction of my own ravings? What could be the one that is really pulling my sewn-on strings? Is it my mother, Alice, my sister, or even the speechless Sam? This can't be happening, no, but indeed it has! Here, I am the mountain lord, crushing my own intuition and will. I'll do anything to become hers! Whether she is Althia, Alice, my sister, or my mother, it does not matter! I'll correct it all with this journey to the bottoms of depravity! My life is finally taking definition! Let this be the last case that I ever take, as what force is with me now will always see me as a valuable tending hand. Finally, meaning!

Chapter 1 Part 4

A Nightmare Reborn






Chapter 1 Part 4

The sun rose high above me, and I was lost, as if a wave tossed unto the sea. I have no leads except for what I've seen and perceived. My thoughts have been irrational, as they have remained. As the dawn stung my eyes, I thought about my life, whatever I could surmise. Life, until now, has been a desolate wasteland, a place where nightmares and waking hours intersect. As I've taken no mate, I thought of my mother and what she would say. My mother has been dead for years. Her end had destroyed my soul. The tears I cried when she had died were ones of blackened frustration, a discord of my own sinister malevolence. I had fought with myself then, as I had asked the cosmos,

"Why? Why hath you died? Bitter agony be mine."

I reckoned taking a wife would be fruitless, as my mother would have never known her. I feel alone, yea, but at least my heart has gone home. This place of nightmare come to life has given me a silent reprise, one leading to my eyes opening. Whatever stirs in me is something of great statute, a beast being gently stroked as it rages. My mind has became loud, not its usual quiet and cold defining nature. I have never cared about a case before, remaining neutral as I do what little work that I could. Now, Sam's existence has became both a sympathetic and empathetic cause for me, knowing that he too seeks the truth. What secrets that dwell up here must be guarded by rumors and whispers of infamy. There is no true haunting here. Althia guards here well, yea, gravitating to her only the chosen. Have I been drawn in by her? Did she summon me through Sam? Was I suppose to ever come here, to this wretched place, where pits create dregs, and dregs pile in? I've not gone mad in the conventional sense, but more have I gone mad to the world that has quieted my potentional. In the world below, hades and all forces of destruction reign. Here, insanity and its cradling arms await. I've never felt so peaceful, believing the loud cry of the wind gusting against my face is a wave of heaven flowing through my bones.

Standing, I felt no pain, no hunger, and no wear. I had to start again, wrapping up my modest supplies to my own delight. The hills connected nearby, leading to an increase in altitude. How much might I connect with the cosmos the higher I climb? Will I see the rustic ones, watching me, deciding my spoiled fate, moving me as one might a piece on a board? All the useless analogies cannot disrupt what I am. I cannot be free until I realize all that irrationality has to offer, insanity buffing my courage to a surreal level.

Further along, the trail did not end. As I found my way to the hill that was higher up, I was met with what seemed to be a large creature that I could only describe as a sentinel. It was large and had multiple heads, each one facing a different direction. Fearing it might see me, I got down, becoming parallel with the ground. The being did not budge, as if rooted to the ground. I knew there was no way through this barely alive obstacle but to kill it, which brought a whole moral argument to my head. What if this beast is, or was, human? I knew its purpose, though, which was to keep me from going further. I will never find Althos nor Sam if I go without killing this fatal sentry. As I drew my revolver, I steadied my hand, and shot it in one of its faces. It writhed and spun, exposing its other three faces, in each which I planted a bullet. As its four faces bled, it became still and lifeless, and I watched in awe as it transformed into what seemed an innocent creature, a person tied to a restraining device. As I moved quickly to where it was, I sought to unleash it from its torment. It was a woman, stripped naked of her clothes, her pale form exposed against the all revealing dying sun. As I untied her, I realized that her wispy brown hair and soft green eyes were an illusion, as I found that the woman had became the slain beast once more. Beings in this nightmare, why do you taunt me so? To believe I'm not alone out here seems a grand larceny, an unforgivable crime. As I searched through the many-faced beast, I recognized the agony expressed on each of its four tragic sides. None of them depicted a gender, and all seemed as if more than my bullets had sapped them of their life. The woman I had seen earlier, when hallucinations held me fast. Am I hallucinating now, or was i perhaps then? Is this beast a human, or more this infected creature wishing to die a dreary death, its life being nothing more than a parted labor? Mercy to my thoughts now. I changed the woman from before into this grotesque devil, if only to satisfy my own breaking psyche. Mental stability is a tool of survival now, as none exist upon these grassy dales of virtue's decline. To believe I killed another human would break me, so a beast is what she must be.

Chapter 1 Part 3

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 1 Part 3


What I had seen could not be more startling. I had sat here for a good long while, picking up the pieces of my fractured mind. All attempts to leave my perch have produced failure. As I battle against the images I had seen, life fled from me, leaving me broken inside. No matter, I'll deposit my mind here. Maybe someone else can make better use of it.

As I made my way from the hillside to the mysterious cave, I realized that it had already been some time since I encountered the beasts here. Where are they? Have they forsaken me, too? Has all of humanity left me to die here? I can't think of that now. I found the cave entrance seemingly carved into the cliff face, and I held my lantern up, shedding some ill-begotten light on what was ahead of me. Not to my surprise, the cave had been used recently, and possessed a form of natural water. As I used my lantern to illuminate each part of the cave, I was pleased to know that it was, for the most part, barren. There was one thing that concerned me, however.

The cave contained more of the half-man corpses, each one bloody and mutilated, most lacking each of their limbs. Because I was not able to locate where the cave ends, I felt concerned, knowing that the hooded beasts may return at a moment's hesitation. As I rested at the pool of water near the cave entrance, I scooped it up with my hands, and drank of its refreshing essence. I additionally filled up a few bottles with the water, and then returned to the nether regions of the cave. As I made my way cautiously through the cave, I understood that there was nothing more for me here. I exited the cave, and went up the pathway that winded around it and up the cliff where it stood.

While scaling the hill I was relieved to know that night had not intruded on me, at least not yet. I decided to make camp upon scaling this hill. When I finally reached the hill's first resting point, I fell to my knee, not because of my windedness but more my hollowing mind. The sound I heard in my head was ghastly, rapid clicks amongst dreaded howls. I covered my ears to no avail, as the sound was not entering them but instead my mind. I lowered to both knees, and cowered at the audible tones that were being produced in my tortured mind. As I shook and churned, I finally became grounded, letting my face drop down into the dirt. When the noise finally stopped, I was transported back into the cave from before, yet this time it was bright, an eerie green tinge lighting everywhere that the eye could see.

Many creatures stood before me, ones who were of what I believed to be Althos' cult. They were not hooven beasts, but more like men with no eyes, mouths, or ears. Each one was additionally absent of hair, and their hands were stubs, no fingers like we are accustomed to. Althia's voice rumbled, although it was a hissing whisper. He said,

"Bring this beast to me. I must have him."

The faceless men approached me, and before they could yet close enough to grab me, they vanished, leaving me back at the camp where I was before. I rose up, searching the horizon for potential predators. None were around, and I needed what has became now precious sleep. I spread out my blanket, not worried about my growing appetite. All will be resolved come morning. As the night swallowed the day, I felt at ease, knowing that the only thing that can strike me as I slumber is my dreams. Although my drams are murderous, they are not the villain that are these ravenous beasts and their controlling mistress that is Althia. Yea, my mind has penciled in Althia as a female, a crimson-clad mistress covered in her followers' blood. Her grotesque visage is only trumped by her malevolent nature, one that must be ancient in origin. Is she the one who brought Sam here? Is she why I have came to this region of hopeless chances and crying betrayals?

Sleep arrived easier than I had imagined. What I saw in my dreams that night was not unlike the world I have stumbled upon. Everywhere, there were beasts, all of them hunting for me with crude torches and poorly constructed weapons. Each moment they were about to find me, they turned back, as if to demonstrate this is some sort of a trick or game. When they finally drew near, they all looked at me, like a murderer on grand trial. Seconds turned to minutes, and eventually they passed their judgement on me, the man beasts deciding to forfeit their pursuit. As they dispersed, I rose to my feet as if to scream, and I was finally pulled out of my dream.

Nothing made sense about my life dream, as symbology is always lost on me. It's as if I were one of them, and the beasts were forced to leave. How could I be one of those monstrosities? I surly have not been up here long enough to resort to primitive decree. Breakfast now, hooch and bread. I will not give into the idiotic ideas of my dreams, despite what my eyes have seen. I must dismiss this all, if only to find Sam. Sam won't stay alive up here for long, not with the challenge placed upon him by Althos and her beasts. Althia is cunning, by far a true mistress. She creates pain for all those who would seek her call, whether madness ensues or not. Her jagged words protect what is a lesson that has been lost on man, one of eternal punishment. What she offers me is unlike what the world below has given to my hapless hands. May her offerings not tempt me, as I feel lured by her sorrowful and haunting song.

Chapter 1 Part 2

A Nightmare Reborn





Chapter 1 Part 2


The empty hillside did nothing for my tranquility. I'm alone and I fear that this place has already retreated with my mind. Whoever this Althos is, has left his mark on the entire mountain range. Their voice beckons me, no doubt wanting to pull me into their control. Althos must be their cult leader, or like an individual bringing in once noble men to make this wretched area their reckless grave. I, nay, will not give in, whether my sanity is wounded or not. I've faced murderers, serial killers, and deranged predators. A few beasts crawling on their bellies does not threaten me. I will return to my home in one month, with Sam or not.

I quietly traversed the hill, finding another path that led to a greater vantage, one where I may be able to find the entrance to the mine, be it so distant. I had brought a spyglass for just such a reason, and it will serve its purpose. I inched along the trail, not wishing to disturb any lurking stalkers. The sun was blocked up here, as the clouds loomed carefully above. As I reached what could be considered the top of the hill, I realized that there was a path leading down from here that would take me to what could be considered a more secluded place. I fumbled though my pack until I located my ornate spyglass, and I dusted off its lens. Upon putting it to my eye, I focused on the forementioned passage to the lower hill, and saw that there was a campsite that had obviously been left behind by some anonymous party. I could see some tinder and a crude chair. I wonder if this was indeed somewhere that Sam or some other human had been. I have no choice but to go there, and I made haste, wishing to not let the cultists from before have any chance of finding me.

As I journeyed down the hill to the other, I dared not to let a sound be made, making sure my footsteps were not audible. As I finally neared the discovered campsite, I was abhorred to find the same instruments from before. Everywhere I looked lay those odd relics, of tiles, stones, and even boards. All of them bore the mark of that entity known as Althos, my suspicious mind coming to realization of his true extent of power. The chair that laid here was one of cruel wicker, and I wondered if it could hold my weight. To my acknowledgment, it held me, and I fished out my flask, using this abstract moment to catch my breath.

Oh, what peril exists here. Peril, peril that is beyond compare. I am. Clinging to my still warm drink, it keeping my mind from foggy obscurity and raving absurdity. I could sit here all day, taking bites of hard bread and wet indulgances from my old friend, bottles of envious liquid. I can't do that not, now. As long as I am up here, I am at the mercy of time. Maybe I should look at these relics again. Ah, I see. These are some type of calling instrument, split into many parts. Who would it dare summon? My curiosity became great, and I brought a shattered board to my face. I said, asking,

"Althia? Althia?"

My, what a puddle my mind has became. To my astonishment, I gained a vision, showing me a grand old being. He was as copper as brass, a gleam that shined in a dark, murky pool. His eyes were like large pebbles, and his mouth was tentacles, hiding his face. He reached out a suckered arm, and brought me close to his shining eyes. The old beast of kin said, his voice booming in a rasp,

"You are not rejected."

Alas, that's all I saw. My eyes returned to the hill, and I began to laugh, the wind itself believing me to be delightfully mad. I can't judge myself for what I cannot control, yes, the old one has his stake in me. How I've not turned into a beast already, I do not know, but my complexion of weathered lesions tells a different meaning. I could sit here all day, reflecting on what I saw, but this is not what I've came to do. I must move on, deeper into the cave that rests not far from here. It’s not visible to my eyes, but somehow my mind can hear it, as muffled as the sound may be. Moving on now, what I'll find, I do not know. Sam's footsteps have became traced, but I now know he is not what my heart is searching for. Discovery, deliverance, an awakening. These are the pedestals where my mind and soul rest, holding fast to the hope I do not perish along the way.

Chapter 1 Part 1

A Nightmare Reborn






Chapter 1

This evening was unlike one ever before. My mind had became a blank slate, it being used as a twisted medium. Every moment spent here at my once enemy's camp could be potentially fatal, yet I did not have the energy to go on. I ate a small portion of my wrapped up bread, and laid my blanket on the ground. The fire would burn out on its own, and to put it out may attract others. I laid on the ground atop my blanket, my last sight until the morning being the mocking crescent moon.

When the sun rose, I was instantly rejuvenated. My body did not have the expected hangover, and all of my mental wounds had gone away, almost as quietly as the night. There was now only two ways to go on further, the idea of breakfast being absurd to me. The path continued to where the half-man and beast came from, and a rope bridge sprawled across a ravine to the west. The bridge served as an entry point to the next hill, and I decided against going there just yet. I took a drink from my flask, hoping the stern alcohol would serve as a numbing agent, clearing what fear I may have contracted. As I wrapped up my blanket, my mind begin to seek out what place the two creatures from last night emerged from. What I saw around the cliff was something quite unspeakable.

A small villa of circled tents surrounded an altar in which many corpses rested upon, each one dismembered and disemboweled. The occupants of the tents were either absent or unaware, giving me a precious moment to debate my next move. This is undoubtedly where the half-man and beast had came from, the half-man being obviously their intended victim for their makeshift altar. How I could be so close to such a forsaken place last night evades me, my mind worn to the fact that evil lurked so close. As I continued to watch, I realized that the villa must have been temporarily vacated, leaving me a few continued moments to examine the altar in a more obstinate manner.

None of the bodies looked like Sam, or even close to what a human should resemble. I watched as the blood dripped from the altar to the ground, and could not avoid the smell that invaded my nostrils. For what these creatures were sacrificed for, I do not know, and do not wish to find out.

The tents were nearly empty save for a few morsels of food and some much needed matches. I gathered them up and listened as what sounded like a group of cloaked beasts approached the villa. I rushed away from the place, making sure not to make any noise. The cloaked beasts that pursued the half-man before surly must be what dwells in the villa, and I have no choice but to cross the rope bridge to leave this place. I mounted the bridge, holding tight to either side as I made my way across the gaping ravine. The rope bridge swayed side to side, but its latent danger seemed the least of my worries. As I safely made my way across, I found a winding path that led up and immediately to another hillside, this one barren and blind to the villa across the bridge from before. A few objects graced this area, ones of seemingly meaningless value. They bore an inscription, ones from a language I could not understand. As I brushed my hand across them, in what was a mere accident, I could see the letters more clearly, and the message became etched into my mind,

"Althia watches all."

Althia? What is such a being? Is it the puppeteer that has placed its strings on Sam and the cloaked beasts from before? It cannot be such a thing, as Althos sounds to be a creature of fabled mythos that adds to nothing more than our notions of fancied stories. Tales of such a being protecting us from the cosmos is not a new idea to me, but, yea, it is a stale idea that offers me little shreds of truth. As I tossed the emblem down, I sat upon the ground, trying to connect with my greater judgment. So far, I have no actual leads on this case, only discovering beasts which may be no more than hallucinations. These dreaded hillsides tease the minds of both its inhabitants and its visitors. My mind has never been so afflicted, wishing for it to make sense of the visions I have beheld so far. As the beasts gather and assault my dismal sanity, I look to the sky, the sun covering me. The sun is what destroys clouded vision and hazy endeavors, bringing light to all actions. If I'm to survive, I need to connect with this master who now threatens to pull my own strings. To pass in the land of beasts, one must become a beast. Let these fractured existences from before fall. Let only the rationalizations of madness be, the insanity claiming more of the truth than before.