A Nightmare Reborn
Chapter 1 Part 5
This expedition into the bowels of the hideous human mind has taken all of me. It's as if the only thing keeping me standing is the alluring echoes of the lustrous matron that is Althia herself. Will I find Sam? Will I find him at the end of my own journey? Did he experience the same ordeal that I am experiencing now? My urge to make haste has churned into a grinding halt that screeches in my already loud mind. It's not to say that I have given up hope, but more that I have given up my initial mission. I may find many, all that came here for what seems the queen of all sirens. These beasts may belong to her, but there is a further belief inside of me that may state they are her enemies. Ah, yes, Althia implores that they must die. Only one can awaken in passing, and only one can awaken if they are alive. These beasts are nothing to me, more impediments on a winding, ungraveled road. What rests now for me ahead is a mere battle with my mind, as it has been since entering this forbidden paradise.
Listening to the ground, the sky, and the distant reality, I gathered my nerve and weary mind to seek what I saw ahead. A way was beaten though several hills, and it would take me to the highest point I've been yet. The sun may be fading, but I know nothing will disturb me. Althia has made that clear, that fear is the only thing that can wound me here. Why must man believe in their ever oppressing idea of control? What can come from their fear, their being that traps them away from self-discovery, the awakening that comes from fits of madness? The only thing that can make the mind resemble brilliance is utter calamity, the fabled gift of controlled insanity? My gun does not grant me life, my hat and jacket does not, but more my inquiries into my own ill-born repugancy. Life is not the way it seems, yea, yea, it never has nor ever will be. We are constructed to be mad. One who claims to not know a numbing effect that comes from cold, desolate winter has not lived harshly. One who has not lived harshly dabbles in chosen inferiority. Sam's fate, undoubtedly, will forever be mine. I'll live here before I die, just as one flounders before they try.
My sister never saw me truly succeed. After my mother died, she left, never to return. I did not question her when she left. What tragedy was my mother's death was also my sister's own spiritual death. My sister did not want to continue with her home life, leaving to an unknown territory. Did she truly die, with no one the wiser to tell me? Must I mourn her, too? Is not one agony enough for my mortal body? I hope to see her again, may splendid Althia grant yet another of my hidden desires. Who do I have? I have her and what could be the fleeting life of Sam. In my fascination, I fixated on Alice, believing that I'll escape here with the proof that Sam had died. Alice...Althia...what be their coincidence? Was Alice even real? Was she nothing but a reference to a scattered story, a world hidden down a hole, reaching from one coast to the other, from one hole to a tree, a playground filled with pins and daggers spelling misery? Nay, the clock does not tick for the meanderer.
My slowly paced walk turned into a gait when I reached what seemed a pile of a lost following's rubbish. As I leaned over to search for my imagined prize, my hand stung, not because of a sharp instrument or a protruding needle, but because of the reverberating feeling that went first through my hand, then my spine, and, finally, it burrowed into my brain. The visions I saw were ones of grandeur and enlightenment! Never before had these images been so intense! I saw Althia, Sam, Alice, even my mother and sister! All were lined up in front of me, with Althia grasping them in her firm grip! My mother and sister were praying, asking Althia to grant me my awakening! Alice and Sam were together, holding hands, blood dripping from their faces, the source being hidden by their favored cloaks. Alice looked at me, and asked,
"Will you ever return?"
My mother then, after so many years, spoke again! Her voice soothed me, despite its demeanor. She asked,
"Won't you forget your quest?"
Althia seemed to be amused, and in a distinguished yet gentle tone, offered her condolence. She said,
"Your mother holds restitute, but Alice...could she..."
The vision left me, and my own thoughts jumped to the same amounts of grandeur. I believed myself to be Sam, and that Sam is nothing more than her affections for me. Alice appears the same as my sister, yet of a different set of parents. She would be one most pleasing to my own mother. Was that what she is trying to say in the delving, the dabbling that was more than just a concoction of my own ravings? What could be the one that is really pulling my sewn-on strings? Is it my mother, Alice, my sister, or even the speechless Sam? This can't be happening, no, but indeed it has! Here, I am the mountain lord, crushing my own intuition and will. I'll do anything to become hers! Whether she is Althia, Alice, my sister, or my mother, it does not matter! I'll correct it all with this journey to the bottoms of depravity! My life is finally taking definition! Let this be the last case that I ever take, as what force is with me now will always see me as a valuable tending hand. Finally, meaning!
Chapter 1 Part 5
This expedition into the bowels of the hideous human mind has taken all of me. It's as if the only thing keeping me standing is the alluring echoes of the lustrous matron that is Althia herself. Will I find Sam? Will I find him at the end of my own journey? Did he experience the same ordeal that I am experiencing now? My urge to make haste has churned into a grinding halt that screeches in my already loud mind. It's not to say that I have given up hope, but more that I have given up my initial mission. I may find many, all that came here for what seems the queen of all sirens. These beasts may belong to her, but there is a further belief inside of me that may state they are her enemies. Ah, yes, Althia implores that they must die. Only one can awaken in passing, and only one can awaken if they are alive. These beasts are nothing to me, more impediments on a winding, ungraveled road. What rests now for me ahead is a mere battle with my mind, as it has been since entering this forbidden paradise.
Listening to the ground, the sky, and the distant reality, I gathered my nerve and weary mind to seek what I saw ahead. A way was beaten though several hills, and it would take me to the highest point I've been yet. The sun may be fading, but I know nothing will disturb me. Althia has made that clear, that fear is the only thing that can wound me here. Why must man believe in their ever oppressing idea of control? What can come from their fear, their being that traps them away from self-discovery, the awakening that comes from fits of madness? The only thing that can make the mind resemble brilliance is utter calamity, the fabled gift of controlled insanity? My gun does not grant me life, my hat and jacket does not, but more my inquiries into my own ill-born repugancy. Life is not the way it seems, yea, yea, it never has nor ever will be. We are constructed to be mad. One who claims to not know a numbing effect that comes from cold, desolate winter has not lived harshly. One who has not lived harshly dabbles in chosen inferiority. Sam's fate, undoubtedly, will forever be mine. I'll live here before I die, just as one flounders before they try.
My sister never saw me truly succeed. After my mother died, she left, never to return. I did not question her when she left. What tragedy was my mother's death was also my sister's own spiritual death. My sister did not want to continue with her home life, leaving to an unknown territory. Did she truly die, with no one the wiser to tell me? Must I mourn her, too? Is not one agony enough for my mortal body? I hope to see her again, may splendid Althia grant yet another of my hidden desires. Who do I have? I have her and what could be the fleeting life of Sam. In my fascination, I fixated on Alice, believing that I'll escape here with the proof that Sam had died. Alice...Althia...what be their coincidence? Was Alice even real? Was she nothing but a reference to a scattered story, a world hidden down a hole, reaching from one coast to the other, from one hole to a tree, a playground filled with pins and daggers spelling misery? Nay, the clock does not tick for the meanderer.
My slowly paced walk turned into a gait when I reached what seemed a pile of a lost following's rubbish. As I leaned over to search for my imagined prize, my hand stung, not because of a sharp instrument or a protruding needle, but because of the reverberating feeling that went first through my hand, then my spine, and, finally, it burrowed into my brain. The visions I saw were ones of grandeur and enlightenment! Never before had these images been so intense! I saw Althia, Sam, Alice, even my mother and sister! All were lined up in front of me, with Althia grasping them in her firm grip! My mother and sister were praying, asking Althia to grant me my awakening! Alice and Sam were together, holding hands, blood dripping from their faces, the source being hidden by their favored cloaks. Alice looked at me, and asked,
"Will you ever return?"
My mother then, after so many years, spoke again! Her voice soothed me, despite its demeanor. She asked,
"Won't you forget your quest?"
Althia seemed to be amused, and in a distinguished yet gentle tone, offered her condolence. She said,
"Your mother holds restitute, but Alice...could she..."
The vision left me, and my own thoughts jumped to the same amounts of grandeur. I believed myself to be Sam, and that Sam is nothing more than her affections for me. Alice appears the same as my sister, yet of a different set of parents. She would be one most pleasing to my own mother. Was that what she is trying to say in the delving, the dabbling that was more than just a concoction of my own ravings? What could be the one that is really pulling my sewn-on strings? Is it my mother, Alice, my sister, or even the speechless Sam? This can't be happening, no, but indeed it has! Here, I am the mountain lord, crushing my own intuition and will. I'll do anything to become hers! Whether she is Althia, Alice, my sister, or my mother, it does not matter! I'll correct it all with this journey to the bottoms of depravity! My life is finally taking definition! Let this be the last case that I ever take, as what force is with me now will always see me as a valuable tending hand. Finally, meaning!
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