A Nightmare Reborn
Chapter 3 Part 3
There can be no slumber for the awakened mind. I cannot continue to reside here, as my listless folly made my body vague and mundane. As I looked at the unearthly sky above me, I believed that its dubious colors indicated my own future's fate. There is no certain degree that indicates I will complete my own pilgrimage. The one thing I know for sure is that I've accompanied my mortal life for the last time. I've already, to a hidden degree, reached immortality. What immortality really means is that you accept the fact, that, you are indeed mortal. Life's true release is in the fact that you will not exist in this paralytic existence forever. Death is only painful to those who are not willing to receive it. Immortality belongs to those who crave the end of their flesh. I, having realized my past ends, realize my true capability is to die, in both mind and spirit, for then only the flesh will leave me to my own intrepid crawling needs.
There was no certain place to explore in front of me, and I looked to that debauching sky above me, once more, noticing that it had taken on the qualities of the now forbidden cosmos. Was there a whisper? Was she calling me through the arrangement of the planets and stars? No, no, the cosmos must be lying to me. I cannot believe that there is any true belief that comes from silent forces. What the creator had in mind when he made me was not a path that led to the heavens. He said,
“To Hades with you.”
How cruel these former gods can be. They mock those who refuse to be their playthings. As I eased up my mustered strength, I let it propel me to the edge of the hill. Yes, that's it. If I drop down, then I can reach a place that is just big enough to leap onto the next hill which has a steep crossing that should lead me to what I believe to be the entrance of the mine. I strapped my sack to my back, and laid down, my feet wedged to the side of the hill. As I let myself slide down, I fell down sharply with a resounding thud that struck harshly throughout my weary body. I struggled against the rocky floor, not able to regain my feet as my legs had become numb with pain. The wind whistled and howled at my face and chest, making me shiver, as comfort left me. My mind raced to conclusions, and I collapsed, letting consciousness leave me, in centrifugal tension. The nightmare abruptly started again, and I was teleported into my own wit, my rational mind opposing the dark fog that seemingly has caused amnesia to my senses. Curse this foul luck, as I am now helpless before my own reasoning.
Before me was a figure, a priestess relief that was held against a sacrificial altar. A man of short stature and a shadowed face directed his attention to me, his scowl appearing to be inviting to my usually dangerous unconscious mind. He asked, in a raspy, hushed voice,
“What do you see?”
Now I do see. The priestess was Alice, her robes freshly stained with her own blood. She was pinned to the altar by large claws that could only be the devil's, his face delighting in her seeming death. I turned my attention back to the man, disgusted. I answered him,
“My nightmare.”
Before he was fully satisfied, the shadowy man asked, in the most mocking of tones,
“Why?”
My response required no thought. I answered,
“Because it would make my life pointless, invalid. “
The shadowed man laughed in the most sinister of ways, and revealed who he was. He was indeed who I thought. My father, the same man who had disappeared when I was no more than twelve. Not even my own my mother had known where he had gone. She had worn her wedding ring to the day she died and after, in love with him just the same as when he had disappeared. I had not ever asked her about my father, believing that the weight of the question would break her weary back. This man in front of me must have died if he is in my mind. No one normal rests in the dark corners of my now forbidden mind. Everyone there is either a reaper or a demon. What resides within me is nothing more than lost souls. Either way, my knees became weak and I became crippled, now suffering the idea of physical and emotional incapacity. I gained the strength to speak, and asked,
“Father?”
The man I assumed to be the one who my mother loved so much started to fade away, and I was left chained to my feelings that had became lost for so many years. I didn't want to believe that I long to know my father, as it has been something I had oppressed for many years. Why would my own father take delight in the torture in my unholy lover? She has asked for nothing, only wishing to see the man she loves again. Has he wished to take the light away from not only my mother but me, as well? The irony disturbs me. Now, I'm begging for anyone, or anything to wake me from this nightmare. Wait...is this really reality? I suppose the cosmos has indeed shown me mercy. Why, I do not have time to ponder. As I reached out my hand, I wished for all of my questions to be answered, for her to take away all the death-giving knives that disguise themselves as thoughts.
Chapter 3 Part 3
There can be no slumber for the awakened mind. I cannot continue to reside here, as my listless folly made my body vague and mundane. As I looked at the unearthly sky above me, I believed that its dubious colors indicated my own future's fate. There is no certain degree that indicates I will complete my own pilgrimage. The one thing I know for sure is that I've accompanied my mortal life for the last time. I've already, to a hidden degree, reached immortality. What immortality really means is that you accept the fact, that, you are indeed mortal. Life's true release is in the fact that you will not exist in this paralytic existence forever. Death is only painful to those who are not willing to receive it. Immortality belongs to those who crave the end of their flesh. I, having realized my past ends, realize my true capability is to die, in both mind and spirit, for then only the flesh will leave me to my own intrepid crawling needs.
There was no certain place to explore in front of me, and I looked to that debauching sky above me, once more, noticing that it had taken on the qualities of the now forbidden cosmos. Was there a whisper? Was she calling me through the arrangement of the planets and stars? No, no, the cosmos must be lying to me. I cannot believe that there is any true belief that comes from silent forces. What the creator had in mind when he made me was not a path that led to the heavens. He said,
“To Hades with you.”
How cruel these former gods can be. They mock those who refuse to be their playthings. As I eased up my mustered strength, I let it propel me to the edge of the hill. Yes, that's it. If I drop down, then I can reach a place that is just big enough to leap onto the next hill which has a steep crossing that should lead me to what I believe to be the entrance of the mine. I strapped my sack to my back, and laid down, my feet wedged to the side of the hill. As I let myself slide down, I fell down sharply with a resounding thud that struck harshly throughout my weary body. I struggled against the rocky floor, not able to regain my feet as my legs had become numb with pain. The wind whistled and howled at my face and chest, making me shiver, as comfort left me. My mind raced to conclusions, and I collapsed, letting consciousness leave me, in centrifugal tension. The nightmare abruptly started again, and I was teleported into my own wit, my rational mind opposing the dark fog that seemingly has caused amnesia to my senses. Curse this foul luck, as I am now helpless before my own reasoning.
Before me was a figure, a priestess relief that was held against a sacrificial altar. A man of short stature and a shadowed face directed his attention to me, his scowl appearing to be inviting to my usually dangerous unconscious mind. He asked, in a raspy, hushed voice,
“What do you see?”
Now I do see. The priestess was Alice, her robes freshly stained with her own blood. She was pinned to the altar by large claws that could only be the devil's, his face delighting in her seeming death. I turned my attention back to the man, disgusted. I answered him,
“My nightmare.”
Before he was fully satisfied, the shadowy man asked, in the most mocking of tones,
“Why?”
My response required no thought. I answered,
“Because it would make my life pointless, invalid. “
The shadowed man laughed in the most sinister of ways, and revealed who he was. He was indeed who I thought. My father, the same man who had disappeared when I was no more than twelve. Not even my own my mother had known where he had gone. She had worn her wedding ring to the day she died and after, in love with him just the same as when he had disappeared. I had not ever asked her about my father, believing that the weight of the question would break her weary back. This man in front of me must have died if he is in my mind. No one normal rests in the dark corners of my now forbidden mind. Everyone there is either a reaper or a demon. What resides within me is nothing more than lost souls. Either way, my knees became weak and I became crippled, now suffering the idea of physical and emotional incapacity. I gained the strength to speak, and asked,
“Father?”
The man I assumed to be the one who my mother loved so much started to fade away, and I was left chained to my feelings that had became lost for so many years. I didn't want to believe that I long to know my father, as it has been something I had oppressed for many years. Why would my own father take delight in the torture in my unholy lover? She has asked for nothing, only wishing to see the man she loves again. Has he wished to take the light away from not only my mother but me, as well? The irony disturbs me. Now, I'm begging for anyone, or anything to wake me from this nightmare. Wait...is this really reality? I suppose the cosmos has indeed shown me mercy. Why, I do not have time to ponder. As I reached out my hand, I wished for all of my questions to be answered, for her to take away all the death-giving knives that disguise themselves as thoughts.
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