Chapter 7 Part 3

A Nightmare Reborn

Chapter 7 Part 3

It doesn't matter what happens. It doesn't matter at all. Reality is something that is imaginative at best. After living in this astral world of sin and diabolic pleasure, I do not want to awake from this dream. Whether this dream be a nightmare or otherwise, I have found a life that greatly outweighs my former pitiful existence. This friend I have in Father Gustaf, my elderly mentor, has brought me out of the dangerous pit that is my skeptical and chaotic mind. Before, I had found only sorrow in how I lived. Coming to this forbidden place has shown me what I had been missing. When I first encountered these beasts, I had known danger, however exciting it was. Gustaf was needed to allow me to escape my fear. Inhibition has finally left me because of him.

I had wanted to remain trapped in that ecstatic illusion before. Now, I am thinking about that woman from my past. The erotic visions I had seen of her had not left by choice. Holly would not be someone I forget easily, as I had seemed to before. What kind of man am I to forget such a pretty face? My cursed morals will die. They must remain here, left behind at this now empty camp. I do not want to kill Alice with any sort of regret. She is my true enemy, my true foe. She tempts me to be weak. As Gustaf rested, laying upon a bundled canopy on the ground I knew that his whimsical nature belied his true apprehension. He wishes to slay a great one, much as I aspire to kill Alice, my foolish contractor. How dare she try to deceive me. She lied to me in order to complete her false God's plan. She wanted to use me to spread the seed that would seal this nightmare upon the earth. The balance that keeps this dream world away from the waking life that we all believe to be normality is needed. This corrupt world is foul and would pollute anyone not used to its arcane energies. It wants to take over the rest of this life. It wants to make the earth a part of this nightmare. The old god Althia would easily conquer our life should the nightmare spread. This, and all of the consequences with such a scenario, does not actually matter to me. The only thing that I am debating now is which reality should become my home. Would my life resume should I leave this dream? Would Gustaf leave me? For this much I fear. I believe that Father Gustaf belongs here in this alternative life. I do not want to leave him. For this, I will stick to the nightmare, eliminating the shadows, ending the fusing of worlds should it mean that I can stay in this world forever. Is this not what everyone wants? To stay in their dream forever?

Something still continues to disturb me, as I've come to accept it as a constant. This journey through the mine has became endless. I don't want to wander forever. Despite the fact that I can almost smell Alice's intoxicating aroma. How can this be, though? Althia cannot be close. My emotions played with me now, making me believe the impossible. Although I sense that this is a trick I want to believe. I feel that, somehow, Alice has separated from Althia. Has she came to prevent her death? Has she came to beg for her life? No...no...this cannot be. Gustaf, sensing the disturbance in my conscious, said, quietly,

"Come on, boy."

The term of boy that Gustaf has given me did not lack affection. His regards for my youth was a valuable training tool. It reminds me of both my mortality and his guile. It allows me to trust him. I feel so much safer, and, ultimately, saner, now that he is here. What started as seemingly a chance meeting has proven to be destiny. I know he sought to find me. He must have followed me. He followed me, yes, to find Althia, yet he has became attached to me, failing to think of me as only bait. His intention is to make me his partner, for he says this with his quiet actions. I'm not one to become attached to anyone, not after what had happened to my sickly mother. In a way, Father Gustaf has become my mother. What repressed desire that came with each boy's affections for his mother has now undoubtedly transferred to him. He has became her, and for this, I will stay with him. He's my lover of forlorn proportions. I will not sleep with him, I will not kiss him, but I will be his willing follower. I belong to him now. No matter how many women I sleep with or romance, I will always belong to Gustaf, if only through my debt.

Gustaf got up, beckoned me, and I silently followed him. All of these thoughts I possess must go away, at least for now. The hunt continues. I am weary, I am tense, but I must continue on, for this is my curse. Life has forgotten about me, so I will hunt the nightmare that consumes me, before it can swallow me whole. Hatred is nothing that can be fathomed, but it is what makes me fight on, so therefore, hate is needed. A man is not complete, truly, without hate.